What happened to the good ol’ days when families lived together or at least nearby? Those days are long gone for all of us because of advances in travel and communication that make it easy for families to stay in touch. People have travel options anywhere in the world that didn’t exist back in the day. Additionally, technology allows us to see and talk to each other as if we’re in the same room, something unbelievable a couple of decades ago. So, why should kids stay near family when opportunities are elsewhere? Jobs are a primary reason families leave home, as they seek career opportunities that don’t exist where they live. Many people, including me, join the military to learn a skill, and some make it their career, as I did.
Families have been torn apart like never before in our history because of advances in travel and communication. Still, one thing is bringing families back together: the lack of money or jobs, and the lack of a quality education. You know, those who are pushed through the system without meeting basic education standards for their age. This is all on the Teachers Unions, where CRT, DEI, and other social programs take precedence over fundamentals like reading, writing, and arithmetic.
So, let us review some basic facts before I go into how this is working for my family. I obtained these facts from a GrokX inquiry:
Approximately 66.7 million adults aged 18 and older—more than 1 in 4 Americans—are living in multigenerational households.
The share of the US population in such arrangements has more than doubled since 1971, reaching about 18% by 2021, with ongoing increases reported into 2025.
In the housing market, 17% of all home buyers in 2025 purchased properties designed for multigenerational use, up from previous years.
Among prospective buyers, 28% plan to pursue multigenerational homes in the near future.
Generation X leads this trend, with 21% of Gen X buyers opting for multigenerational setups, followed by younger Baby Boomers at 15% and Millennials at 12%.
Some of the specific reasons for this trend are:
Economic Pressures: High housing costs, inflation, and affordability challenges are major drivers, pushing families to pool resources and share expenses like mortgages, utilities, and groceries.
For-sale inventory has risen modestly in 2025, but rental and purchase prices remain elevated, making independent living difficult for many.
Caregiving and Family Support: Aging populations require more hands-on care for elderly relatives, while younger families benefit from built-in childcare. This is especially relevant post-pandemic, with increased emphasis on family bonds and health needs.
Cultural and Demographic Shifts: Immigrant communities and diverse populations, such as in states like New Jersey, often embrace multigenerational living as a cultural norm. Immigration has contributed significantly to the quadrupling of such households since 1971.
Sustainability and Lifestyle Benefits: Shared living reduces environmental impact through lower per-person energy use and promotes emotional well-being via stronger family ties.
These are all hardcore reasons for living together, and none really apply to my situation, except the Caregiving option, which my wife and I will need at some point. While the facts are eye-opening, they are real and have an impact on many. I come from the baby boomer generation, and I would guess we are slightly upper-middle-class and retired. My wife and I have lived with my daughter, husband, and two grandkids for the past five years, and I can say this has been a positive experience with many surprise benefits.
Although we live together, it is kind of separate but combined. We built a generously sized one-bedroom attachment to their home, complete with doors and locks, a bathroom, and a kitchen. So we can be alone, if needed. However, we have never had to lock any doors, and it is always enjoyable when the grandkids come over, no matter the reason. No knocking required as there is not many intimate moments for my wife and I at our age. Lastly, it is so much different being a grandparent than a parent, and we love it.
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So what are some of the benefits of multi-generational families living together or close by:
The joy of watching our grandkids grow. For example, the kids used to come over and try to jump and touch our fan chain hanging from the ceiling fan. At first, neither kid could touch the chain, but then my granddaughter, the older one, finally touched it. My grandson followed not long after, and it is a battle we enjoy watching, as they are now on to the next higher item to test their jumping skills.
Family dinners are one of the best times when we all get together for a short while, while the kids argue and the adults talk about events and other general topics. Of course, the kids break from arguing to join the discussion. My wife cooks 3-4 times per week and loves it, and at times spends the whole day cutting and chopping for dinner. So from a benefit perspective, this is a triple-whammy:
1. The extended family is happy and loves Mimi’s cooking, and is disappointed when she doesn’t cook. 2. My busy, full-time working daughter has additional time for the kids and looks forward to dinner just like the kids. When dinner is not cooked, the whole family is disappointed. 3. Mimi, my wife, loves what she is doing, and it keeps her busy but not overloaded. That’s a good thing.
Activities are another benefit, and what do I mean by that? We go to as many soccer, basketball games and long-distance running events as we can for both of my grandkids. Watching them over a five-year period is just like having kids without the responsibility. For example, we watched both kids grow in soccer, and the improvements have been amazing. They started with the whole team surrounding and following the soccer ball, generating a dust cloud like the ones from the Peanuts cartoons. But they have grown over the years to now playing like professionals. At least little professionals. What a great experience that is continuing today.
The grandkids see us as family, not as a guest grandma or grandpa who visits every so often when living close by, and even less so for those who live far away. We see them every day, sometimes happy and sometimes sad, and we are always here for them. I can’t explain the feeling, but it is a positive one.
My wife is in heaven with the kids, as am I, and she is always looking for opportunities to bond with them, such as minor sewing jobs to make pants shorter and letting them help cook and clean. Both kids bring their friends over to visit and joke with us, and everyone enjoys the time together. We love spoiling them with food, snacks, and small gifts here and there. I can’t overstate how the grandkids love Mimi. They love me as well, but in a different manner.
My granddaughter, who is a pre-teen, thinks she is an adult, comes over often when she needs something, and she knows who to go to. Example: she will come over, and Mimi says, What do you need and at times she will say PopPop, which is me. Why? Because when it comes to glue, putting things together, or tools, she bypasses Mimi and goes directly to me. Otherwise, she comes over to chat with Mimi or ask her to do something stereotypical to progressives, but my family sure loves it. It is a beautiful thing.
Finally, this will be our resting home where we will eventually need assistance, and we will have it from our family, not only from my daughter but from my son as well. He lives close by and is here for us as well.
I could go on and on, but you get the point: in my opinion, this move toward multi-generational families is a good thing for our society. We need to become closer as families, not distant, with no connections.
Now, there are some negative parts to living together that I will cover as well.
About a year after we joined as families, my wife began to feel she was being taken for granted and underappreciated. This should sound familiar to many out there, primarily men, I would guess. This resulted in my wife feeling down for being ignored and taken advantage of for multiple reasons that are hard to explain. But her feelings were real, and, of course, my daughter was not aware of any issues at all. This is where communication plays a big part when living together. When you don’t address minor irritants, they build into a major event that could have been resolved with a simple conversation. But people don’t like to be up front for fear of upsetting someone. Communication is required to make this living arrangement work.
So, being the man in the middle, I took it upon myself to rebuild this bridge, which was not down but needed a couple of boards replaced. It was not difficult at all, although I pissed off my daughter for 10 minutes or more when I was talking with her without my wife. My daughter misinterpreted a word I used, and it made her go bonkers, thinking the world was coming to an end.
That word was “R E S P E C T”, which I did not think was an inappropriate term, but to my daughter it was, because she believes she is doing all that she can for us in a respectful manner. When I used the word 'respect,' the discussion turned south, and tears flowed because my daughter misinterpreted it. She believes, and is correct, that she respects her mother, as does our son, but in Asian cultures, respect is viewed differently.
Let me try to explain. My wife is from Korea, and we’ve been married for 50 years and lived in the U.S. since day one. So, my kids did not grow up following the Korean culture of respect, which is what I was trying to discuss with my daughter. I believe the word respect varies by generation and culture. Let me try to explain.
Respect in old Korea was based on age and formalities, something American kids have long since lost. Although respect is beginning to dwindle in Korea as they become more like us, and I’m not sure that is a good thing, but here we are.
Korean culture is basically similar to our old culture, like back in the 50s or 60s or earlier, but on steroids. So, when I used the word respect, I meant it from a Korean cultural perspective, or from an Asian view, where the older you are, the more you are respected.
The following explains some of the differences:
“In the US, you have to earn respect in the hierarchy, for the most part, and this tends to result in a more egalitarian view of others. One’s 80-year-old racist and sexist uncle is not automatically regarded as the most wise and respectable person at the family reunion in the vast majority of US homes, but in Korea, such behavior would just be something to put up with and ignore when in his company.
This is not to dismiss the need to respect one’s elders, and the different layers of respect at play in our interactions with others. Rather, it is to highlight the immense importance of it; in Korean society, respect is built into the language itself. Bowing when you greet someone is a reflex, and the depth of the bow relays a lot of information about how much respect you have for the person you are bowing to.
There are at least four ways to say almost everything in Korean, each denoting differing levels of respect, and some of them even require the use of different verbs or nouns to relay the same idea. I think that the process of eating out at a restaurant in Korea presents this aspect of the culture in the most precise way.”
https://seoulkoreaasia.com/respect-korean-culture/
There are so many other subtleties to explain to understand the culture, but that would be time-consuming. So, let me give you a real example from our lives.
One hard-and-fast rule in Korea, though, is that no shoes are allowed in the house. It is a tradition that still holds true today: you take off your shoes and put on slippers to enter a house. This part of Asian culture lasted in our house until the kids started going to school and bringing home friends who would laugh about the custom. Americans aren’t into taking shoes off at all. So, after trying to force kids to take off their shoes and fighting with our kids who didn’t want to be embarrassed, the taking off of shoes is no longer in play. Everything in our house was cleaner with the no-shoes tradition, and carpets lasted longer. Oh well.
Okay, now back to my point. When talking to my daughter, I did not mean she was disrespecting my wife in an American way, if that makes sense, but that was her assumption, and not my intention when I used the word. I meant it from a cultural view. Everything worked out fine, but I still don’t think my daughter got the point I was trying to make, and I ended up apologizing for using the wrong word. If this is the worst issue we have, the rest will be like being on vacation with the family.
One other issue that could or could not be an issue when making this move is financial and assumption-related. While we love our family dearly, they do take advantage of us financially, and I would do the same thing if the roles were reversed.
When we go out to eat at a restaurant, I pretty much know who is paying, and that is me. At times, I’ve tried to wait a bit to see if someone makes an effort, but usually with no success. I don’t wait anymore, I pull out my wallet.
My wife and I recognize this and accept it, but others may not have the funds, so finances will have to be shared in different ways. Our philosophy is to spend our money on the kids and grandkids while we are alive to enjoy it with them, whether it is paying for meals or helping out here and there or taking them on vacation with us.
Let me wrap this up by saying that living together is great, but it takes a bit of give-and-take on both sides. The number one thing is to communicate. Talk to each other, discuss what irritates you, and work it out. It is not like you don’t know each other.
Finally, a couple of more statistics for you from GrokX:
“Looking ahead, experts predict continued growth in 2025 and beyond, influenced by persistent economic factors and an aging society.
This shift is reshaping real estate, with multigenerational options becoming a practical solution rather than just a trend.”
Thanks so much for watching, and enjoy your day with your family because family is everything. Signing off Charley
